“I went down to the river,
I set down on the bank.
I tried to think but couldn’t,
So I jumped in and sank.”
― Langston Hughes

I would hope that people never reach this state.

Where to go for Help                                                              http://thehotline.org

Why do people remain in an abusive relationships?

Two events from my life.

My former wife died from alcoholism. The years leading up to her final year were especially trying and they took their toll on me physically and mentally, nothing could have prepared me for her final year. I considered myself a strong person however the emotional abuse I tolerated was almost too much. So why did I stay with her, I made a promise to her that she would not die alone. That was a conscious decision I made not knowing what I in for and how unprepared I was.

My wife and I were watching a talk show on domestic abuse victims who continued to stay with their partner. Each of the ladies said that they were beaten and that that was their boyfriend/spouse expressed their love towards them. Pictures of the ladies after they were physically abuse were shown. My wife was becoming more agitated as we continued watching. Finally she had enough and angrily turned off the TV. Later in the evening I awoke to my wife hitting me in her sleep. The show had upset her so much it started me thinking about the issue of abuse and how large of an issue it really is.

I have always spoken about how domestic abuse bothers me but only to family and friends hiding behind the thought that the victims will somehow get help from others, in otherwords “it’s not my problem“. Now it’s time for me to quit hiding and at least contribute to the public discussion in the hope that it may in some small way help . What really shocks me when I speak with people is how many of them have been directly affected by domestic abuse. I would never have known had it not been for a conversation with them and that conversation was a very difficult one for some of them. I can’t stay silent any longer.

Well I guess I’ve strayed from the original intent of this post “Who do people remain in abusive relationships?”. I will return to that as well as expanding on isolation and finishing some thoughts on control to be followed by others.